WEDNESDAY JOKES

What's got a big head and 11 pricks?
Peter Shreeves


Peter Shreeves walks into the building society to withdraw some money, gets his cash and turns to walk out. Just as he is about to leave someone coshes him over the head , snatches his money and legs it. Shreeves is out for the count. Surrounded by a host of good Samaritans he starts to come round. Holding his head he groans "Oh what happened? where am I?" to which comes the reply "It's OK Peter you're in the 2nd Division" Peter looks up and says "Oh my god is it April already?"



The peeder known as Shreeves returns to the Oinkers(Wednesday) and is proudly driving round Sheffield in a brand new Merc when he stops at some traffic lights and a Bladesman see's him and says F Off Shreeves,yer dumb ugly git so Shreeves pulls away in disgust. Next day at the same traffic lights,Shreeves see's the Blade again and the same thing happens....Piss Off yer f***ing peeder! So away goes Shreeves in disgust. The next day as he pulls up at the same traffic lights Shreeves thinks ...I'll show him and he drops his trousers and sticks his arse up to the window at the Blade. The Blade walks over and says to the big arse.... As for you Sibon!!!!!!!!!



One day, a piggy fan went to go get lessons on how to fly a plane. The guy at the airport said there were no more plane flying lessons this year but he could take helicopter lessons. The Wednesdayite agreed and the man taught him and said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet you go in the air." The pig agreed.
He jumped in and took off. At 1000 feet, she radioed him and asked how he was doing. He said he was doing great. At 2000 feet, she radioed him and asked how he was doing. He said he was doing great. But right before he got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped and she started twirling to the ground. When he landed, he went over to pull him out of the helicopter. He asked him what went wrong because he was doing perfect before. The piggy fan said, ''At 2500 feet, I started to get cold so I turned the big fan off.


Two pigs meet on a dusty country road. One of them is carrying a big bag labeled, "chickens."
"Chickens, eh?" says one pig. "Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?"

"Heck," says the other Wednesday fan with the bag, "iffin you guess right, I'll give you both of 'em."

The other scratches his head and guesses, "Um... five?"

A newspaper revealed that a man from Hillsbrough won the lottery and bought a player from the winnings. The man said "if i'm lucky enough to get 3 numbers and win a tenner again i'll buy another"

What's the differance between a circle and Wednesday?
Nothin' they both have no points

Why are Wednesday like Man city?
They both hate a better teams(and both got relegated)

Why is urine yellow and seamen white?
So Wednesday fans know if they're coming or going.

What have Kevin Pressman and Michael Jackson got in common? They both wear gloves for no apparent reason


Police were called to a house of ill repute to find a punter wearing a Sheffield Wednesday shirt had fallen down the stairs and had broken his neck. They asked one of the ladies to take his shirt off a dress him in stockings and suspenders. Why should I do that said the lady of the night..... The policeman replied....It will avoid causing his family any further embarrassment.

Neil Warnock and Peter Shreeves were being interviewed on Hallam about their respective ambitions for the forthcoming season. Shreeves was asked....What do you hope for your club this year? Well, says PJ......I think the main priority is to avoid relegation. The same question was put to Neil Warnock Neil says...We will win the league, have the FA Cup in the trophy cabinet and have a good run in the League Cup. Don't you think your exaggerating a bit Neil, says the interviewer? Well he bleedin' started it says Neil!!!!!!

Wednesday have had to turn down a sponsorship offer from Spillers dog foods. Said it wouldn't be quite right having Winalot on their shirts.


What have Wednesday and a Christmas tree got in common? They'll both be down twelve days after Christmas




Two Wednesday fans are on opposite sides of a lake.
One fan yells to the other, "How do you get to the other side?"

"You are on the other side," the other Wednesday fan yells back.

NASA sends a space shuttle up with two cows and a pig (Wednesday fan)on board. While the shuttle is taking off, the NASA command center calls the first cow and asks, "cow #1, do you know your mission?"
The cow replies, "mooo.Get the shuttle into orbit and launch the trillion dollar satellite. mooo."

Then NASA Control asks the second cow, "cow #2, do you know your mission?"

The second cow replies, "mooo. Once cow #1 has completed the trillion dollar satellite launch, close hatch, and go back to Earth. Land shuttle. mooooo."

Then NASA asks the fan, "piggy, do you know your mission?"

The Wednesday fan replies, "Ummmmmmm.... Oh yeah, I remember now. 'Feed the cows - and DON'T TOUCH A GODDAMNED THING!"


Wednesday fAN: I'd like to buy some dog food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a dog?
fAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Where is he?
fAN: He's at home.
CHECKOUT LADY: I'm sorry, I can't sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog. Store policy.
The next day, the man returns.
fAN: I'd like to buy some cat food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a cat?
fAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Well...where is he?
fAN: He's at home!
CHECKOUT LADY: Sorry, I can't sell this cat food to you unless I see your cat.

The next day the man returns.
CHECKOUT LADY: What's in the sack?
fAN: Put your hand inside.
CHECKOUT LADY: Hmmm...It's warm and moist! What is it?
fAN: I would like to buy some toilet paper.

A young Wednesday fan was walking through a supermarket to pick a few things when he noticed an old lady (a blade) following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally, he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.
"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son who just died recently."

"I'm very sorry," replied the young piggy fan, "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes," she said. "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Goodbye mother'? It would make me feel much better."

"Sure," answered the young fan. As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye mother!"

As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. "How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"

"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.


A preston fan, a barnsley fan, and a Wednesday fan go into a restaurant in London.
''Excuse me, but if you wanted the steak you might not get one as there is a shortage due to the mad cow disease,'' says the waiter.

The Preston fan says, ''What's a shortage?''

The Barnsley fan says, ''What's a steak?''

The Wednesday fan says, ''What's excuse me?''




BARNSLEY JOKES

A Barnsley fan decided to go ice fishing, seeing as he didn't have anything else to do.When he arrived he put down his hamper, flask and fishing rod and began to drill a hole in the ice. No sooner had he started when a voice boomed down from above YOU WON'T FIND ANY FISH THERE. The fan was stunned and moved his stuff ten feet further down. Hearing nothing he began to drill again. AGAIN the voice from above YOU WON'T FIND ANY FISH THERE.Totally shaken, the Barnsley fan moved his goods twenty feet the other way. There was total silence so off he went again drilling into the ice. YOU WON'T FIND ANY FISH THERE came the voice.The Barnsley fan looked up and filled with religious fervour cried out: "Is that the voice of the Lord," to which came the reply:"NO! YOU TWONK I AM THE MANAGER OF THE ISLINGTON ICE RINK."

A Barnsley fan visits an orchard and asks how much the apples are. "You can pick as many as you like for a fiver" he is told. "Great" he replies "Ill have a tenners worth"


Why don't Barnsley fans make ice cubes?
because they can't remember the recipe.


There's a woman Barnsley supporter who feared her husband was having an affair. Sure enough, she came home one day to find her husband with another woman. She grabs a gun, points it towards her own head. Her husband rushes out of bed screaming at her, "Don't! Please don't!" She says "Shut up! You're next!"


Barnsley fan works on a building site. He gets called in the office for a phone call and comes out in tears & inconsolable. What's up?" his foreman says. "That call was bad news" the fan replies. "Me dad's died".
"Sorry mate, d'you want the rest of the day off?" the foreman offered. Just then, he gets another call from the office. This time he comes out even worse. Kneeling on the floor hitting his head. Totally gone. His foreman approaches. "What now?" he asks. "I've just had another call" says the Barnsley fan. "That one was from my brother - and HIS dad's died as well!"


A Barnsley fan gets married and on his wedding night he calls his father to get some tips on what to do, since he had never been with a women before. So he calls up his dad and asks him - what do I do first? His dad says - take her clothes off and put her in bed.
The Barnsley fan calls his dad 5 mins. later and says - she's naked and inbed - what do I do now? His dad says - take your clothes off and get in bed.
He calls back 5 mins later and says - I'm naked and in bed with her - what do I do now? His dad's patience is now running out - so he says - look son do I have to spell everything out? Just put the hardest thing on your body where she pees!
The Barnsley fan calls up 5 mins later and says - Ok Dad, I have my head in the toilet bowl - what do I do now???


Two Barnsley fans walk into a sports bar giving each other high fives and screaming "51!". Another Barnsley fan joins them and the scene repeats with high fives and very excited screams of "51 yea!" A bystander is so curious that he has to ask the question, "What are you Barnsley fans so excited about and what does this '51' mean?" One of the Barnsley fans explains proudly "We just finished a puzzle in only 51 days and the box said '3 to 5 years!'"

What's the differance between a man with one leg and a Barnsley fan ?
One can't walk properly and the other can't talk properly

Two Barnsley fans were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first Barnsley fan said "these look like deer tracks." The other one said, "No, they look more like moose tracks." They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them.


A barnsley fan buys two horses and he can't tell them apart. So he asks the farmer next door what to do. He says to cut one of their tails off. So he does. But then the other horse's tail gets caught in a bush and rips off. So he can't tell them apart again.
he asks the farmer for advice a second time. He tells him to cut one of the horses ears. So he does. But then the other horse gets its ear ripped in a barbed wire fence.

he is still confused. he asks the farmer what to do. He tells him to measure them.

he comes back and says, "The white horse is 2 inches taller than the black horse!"


What are the best 10 years of a Barnsley fan's life?
Third grade.

Above:A poor Barnsley fan

Above: A rich Barnsley fan

A standard Bradford fan